My Abortion Story [and What They Don't Tell You]
My story is not that interesting or outrageous.
I got pregnant by a person I did not want to have a baby with at a time in my life where I considered having a child to be a detriment to all involved.
I am Canadian and thankfully [at the time] that saved me from so much unnecessary suffering.
In fact, Planned Parenthood is the reason I didn’t have to pay for my abortion.
I was moving between provinces when I needed it and had a lapse in provincial healthcare - meaning OHIP was not accessible to me.
I went to Planned Parenthood, told them my story and circumstance, and on the spot they agreed to cover it.
DID YOU KNOW that Canadian women under 25 can go to Planned Parenthood for ANY AND ALL HEALTH CONCERNS.
I did not have a doctor and they BECAME MY DOCTOR.
No questions. Just acceptance.
The people in that establishment treated me with the utmost respect and I am forever grateful for every nurse and practitioner that did not make me feel less than because of my decisions.
Where I felt that fall away was when it was time for the actual procedure.
Then I was involved with the government again.
Having PP cover my procedure meant I only had access to one of the two options: surgical.
I had my platonic life partner with me and at no point did she allow the weight of the circumstance to show on her face.
Even as we walked into an unmarked building and then were individually locked between double doors and asked to surrender all of our ID and belongings.
It certainly felt like prison intake - but we tried to keep our spirits high.
There was 0% of me that could have or wanted to keep the pregnancy - I was in transitions financially, emotionally and physically in every part of my life.
There was no space for another. I wanted to view this as a procedure, not an emotional experience.
And it was, until we sat down in the waiting room across from [what appeared to be] a 15-year-old girl that was there by herself.
And my heart broke.
What an ignorant fucking asshole I am to act like this is nothing for me because I have the means and support to endure.
I have a friend that will give up her day to wait with me, take me home and talk to me about it.
This girl is here alone.
Who is she going home to?
WHAT is she going home to?
WHAT THEY DON’T TELL YOU ABOUT ABORTION
Your body will still go through 9 months of changes. I went in for mine at 7 weeks and my skin, hair and nails were never the same. I can still see my pregnancy on my physicality even though I did not carry to term.
You may never feel guilt. I never did. I felt more guilt about my lack of guilt as if that was the moment I denied my biology the most. In reality, it’s what was telling me I was making the exact right decision for me. But because of programming, I was so desperately looking for my sense of shame and felt more shame for never finding it.
Surgical abortions and IUD insertions really fucking hurt. You will experience contractions during and for days after. You will bleed and leave wearing a diaper. You will learn how strong you are. You are.
There are next to no systems in place for post-abortion support; emotional or physical. There are so few resources. I returned to PP for all of my followups and continued to have the best healthcare experience I have ever had.
Pro-choice IS Pro-life
and the fact that is still up for discussion is archaic.
Everything I see going on enrages me on a level I never thought possible.
The Handmaids Tale jokes are funny until they’re not (because they’re far too true).
One set of bodies is being policed because another is deemed more valuable.
WE ARE NOT HOSTS.
WE ARE HUMANS.
Uteruses are not a public forum because “us” is in the word.
They are lean, mean, life making machines.
Or reality ruiners.
Women are not presented with many options to make choices:
Take this poisonous pill; if you can afford it.
Insert this metal rod; if your body will accept it.
Use this piece of rubber; if you’re not allergic.
Don’t fuck him; abstain until owned.
I got pregnant because I was on the pill for 10 years and it was wreaking havoc on my hormones, health and sex drive.
I had an IUD inserted after my abortion and had immediate complications. It dislodged, went sideways and started attaching to the wall of my uterus. Having it removed was more painful than having it inserted. I am no longer a candidate for one. The sexual partners I had at the time I had the IUD said it felt like they were fucking glass.
I hate the sensation of condoms and sex with strangers. I have had 99% of my unprotected sex in committed relationships.
I am back on the pill because having your tubes tied under 30 and without children is near impossible to accomplish (even with a pre-existing health condition).
I have always referred to the person fucking me as doing a public service; if I was denied the physical and mental release and connection of sex, my mental health would be infinitely worse.
CANADIANS ARE NOT EXEMPT FROM THIS FUCKERY
We are at risk too.
If female-based birth control is predominantly insufferable or inaccessible and men feel so inclined to take ownership of such decision making on themselves, shouldn’t birth control be their responsibility?
They also need to be a bigger part of this discussion.
The good ones CAN drown out the bad ones.
Only if they are as strong as the women they impregnated and utilize their position and power to create change.